The New Year is only two weeks old, and many of us have already reversed our resolutions. I heard once that the average New Year’s resolution lasts only four days. If this is true, by now we would have been able to resolve and falter several times. I have never been one to make resolutions on January 1st because I believe the opportunity for a new resolution begins every second. This past year, as I worked with people intent on making healthy changes to their lifestyle, I have questioned the nature of commitment and explored the consequences of wavering from our true intentions.
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The one question in regards to commitment that has been ever-present in my mind is: why is it easier to keep the promises or commitments we make to others than the ones we make to ourselves? Many people will go out of their way to come through on an agreement they make with someone for fear of letting them down. It seems absurd that when we are the only people who will ever be able to fully love and honor our desires and intentions that we would fall back on them. Not honoring the resolutions we internally agree upon, is essentially saying we aren’t as valuable as those we commit our time or energy to. This is a message that can lead to some of the worst kinds of emotional pain and feelings of failure.
Most of us have felt the lowered self-esteem and decreased worth that accompanies failure at some time or another. Whether it’s a commitment to yourself or someone else, the feeling is the same. It sinks your heart into the pit of your stomach. The feeling of failure rings an internal alarm bell to tell us that we have not achieved what we set out or intended to. Sometimes the circumstances are beyond our control like if we failed to win a race for instance. When circumstances are within our control, as for lifestyle changes, we can avoid feelings of failure by remaining true to our intentions. When we falter on commitments to ourselves an internal conflict forms between our original intent and what we have actually brought about. We can use this conflict to our advantage by allowing the feelings of failure that result to tell us when we have not been true to our authentic desires. We may learn how to be true to personal intentions next time the same situation arises.
So how do we live a life that is in line with our personal needs and intention? Many people rely on discipline to alter their habits within life. However, I have made a great deal of changes in my lifestyle over the years without using discipline. From quitting smoking as a teenager to becoming an athletic, raw vegan I have found that discipline didn’t play a part in any of those transitions. After talking to other successful people I have come to conclude discipline plays only a very small role, if any, when it comes to lifestyle changes. What does need to occur to lead an integrated, healthy life is developing a new relationship to yourself.
This new relationship begins with the ultimate commitment to treat yourself with the same love and respect you seek to give and receive from others. The old saying, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” then works in reverse, becoming, do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you. We all want to be treated with admiration, love and respect, yet we do not always give those same affections to ourselves. We are entitled and should be proud to take the absolute best care of ourselves that we can. Instead of a wide variety of resolutions that can range from changes in diet, increased exercise, or pursuit of creative activities, make one commitment to treat yourself with utmost respect and provide the best care for yourself that is possible for you.
Another aspect of this self-loving commitment is personal forgiveness. So often people who fail to follow through with their intentions then proceed to ridicule themselves for their failure. If a child or close friend fail, we try to boost them up and inspire them to try again, but with ourselves we rarely lend so much compassion. Inward compassion is vital to our self-esteem and self worth. We must be as gentle with our own hearts and selves as we would be with our child or friend. Deep inside we are all still children seeking approval and love (this comes out of left-field; either leave this out or develop further). We must remember to be kind when setting and achieving personal goals.
A healthy marriage is a good analogy for this commitment to treating ourselves well A happy marriage requires acceptance, understanding, love, friendship, and co-operation. It’s a mutually benefiting agreement because life is easier when we have a person or people to share it with. In a love-based marriage we often find that each partner is committed to doing what he or she are able for the other because in honoring each other they honor themselves. Since becoming married myself, I have learned that living a life of intention and integrity is about loving yourself as much as you desire love from a partner.
Developing a healthy attitude towards your personal commitments begins with setting the intention to honor your needs as you see them and to love yourself unconditionally. This choice can be a revolutionary shift in how we relate to ourselves. Applying personal commitment to our intentions reinforces our importance within the web of existence and the decisions we make for our lives. Adopting this view allows you to honor your relationship to food, exercise, creative endeavors, and overall health or life commitments with the same faithfulness that you would apply to any marriage. In essence a strong personal commitment to health is “self-marriage.”
In closing I would like to assert that we are all deserving of this love and level of commitment. It is possible that some who read this may have never known this level of fidelity. Resolving to remain faithful to your intentions, needs, and desires boosts your confidence immeasurably. The more integrated your actions are with your intentions the more you can to shine to the rest of the world. You are also more able to be an example of what you believe to be true and right for your life and you have no idea what effect you have on people just being who you are.
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