Emotions also exist within the dual construct of our world. Within this construct we attribute positive and negative connotations to them based on our past experience and beliefs. This is only important because it directly relates to how we experience these emotions. When we feel joyous we freely allow that emotional energy to flow through our bodies, uninhibited by our mind’s analytical nature, because we view this as a positive feeling. Yet, when we become angry or otherwise distressed there tends to be internal questioning or self-judgment that creates a blockage to the flow of emotional energy, since they are viewed as negative. This blockage of energy is known as suppression, which is discussed below. We should recognize that because emotions exist within a dual framework, happiness would not exist without sadness or anger without pleasure, and so on. So assigning value judgment to feeling impedes our ability to fully feel simply because we are conditioned to reject all things ‘negative’ and embrace all things ‘positive.’ By rejecting those emotions that are valued as negative we end up rejecting a part of ourselves, because our emotions are an intrinsic part of who we are and what we experience. Until we can accept emotions as pure experience without judgment that we can begin to learn how to fully feel and process our emotions.

There are several ways to suppress or reject emotion, including distraction, over analyzing, and consumption of rich foods. All of these forms are commonly used, but the one most relied on is the consumption of rich foods. This method is so effective at cutting us off from feeling that we even have a name for it, comfort food. The reason this method works so well has to do with basic physiology. The human nervous system has a finite amount of energy available for use throughout the day. We recharge this vital energy through deep sleep. There are two things that take more nervous energy than the body can manage simultaneously, digestion and emoting. An example of this can be described like this: A young girl breaks up with her boyfriend after a fight and on her way home she gets a pint of chocolate ice cream and a movie, then goes home to indulge herself. She now has food too dense to allow her to feel because all the nerve energy is spent on digestion and if that isn’t enough she also has a good form of distraction. On the flip side of this a close friend could pass away and you are so distressed that the thought of food doesn’t even cross your mind. When we are experiencing strong emotions the body knows it cannot digest food and will cut off your appetite, yet many of us are so disconnected to the signals from our body, or the blessings of our emotions, that we force heavy foods upon ourselves in an effort to not experience these negative feelings. To use food in this way is no different than taking painkillers to numb a headache, and they, like the headache don’t just go away, but are masked and tend to get stronger with suppression.

Another aspect of emotion that is closely tied to food is emotional attachment. When I speak of emotional attachment to food I am referring to the tendency to recreate pleasant memories through food. This is where social gatherings and holidays tend to come in, or perhaps all the times you had pizza with your friends. We have a tendency to associate pleasant memories with the other tangible aspects of the moment. Attachment can result with people, activities, objects, and et cetera and isn’t necessarily an undesirable trait. We use these conditions to help us to relive experiences that have brought us joy or fulfillment. To use food in this way can result in disordered eating or difficulty following the goals we set for ourselves because we are constantly living in past experiences that had value to us and not in our present choices. Typically, the foods that are used to suppress have addictive and numbing qualities on their own such as chocolate, grains or foods that are primarily fat. Food is there to provide us with pleasure and to nourish our cells, not to numb the present or recreate pleasant moments. Though the more pleasant memories we have that surround healthful foods the easier it is to use this trait in a way that serves us.

So how do we create emotional balance? How is it possible to maintain our emotional health and stop suppression? The answer is simple; we have to feel. Though, for many this is not such an easy thing to actually do. There are several books available on learning how to fully feel your emotions, and I will list some below. The majority of them discuss being in the present moment and embracing the feeling as a gift or good friend. Dina Glouberman uses imagework to further understanding of your feelings. Thich Nhat Hanh talks about inviting the feeling to come and sit with you, offering it your acceptance and without judgment giving it the attention it is requesting. I have often explained to people to imagine anger, frustration, fear, loneliness, etc as a young child, wild with behavior. What this child is craving is attention, approval and love. Our initial reaction is to judge or yell at the child, “Don’t do that”, “Why are you behaving this way,” or “Stop that, it’s bad.” This is interpreted into “you’re bad” or “you’re wrong” which is ultimately rejection. If instead we don’t meet this child with that judiciousness but stop, take a deep breath and offer them attention, loving kindness and affection, than the child’s need is fulfilled, the behavior ceases, and peace is restored; emotions work the same way.

When we have an emotion we are being asked to stop and feel, to pay close attention. If instead we question why we feel that way, tell ourselves we have ‘no reason’ to feel that way, scrutinize the feeling, or numb it with food we are practicing the same lack of acceptance and approval, only it is to our own self. What we are telling ourselves is that we don’t want the emotion and that is disregarding or disrespecting an integral part of our being. Embracing the emotion as neither, positive or negative, but as a part of our experience, and allowing ourselves to accept the experience is the art of feeling. As with any art it is something that is practiced. Whether fully feeling is accomplished by developing meditation or locking yourself in a public restroom taking the time to feel emotion is one of the most worthwhile endeavors in health one can undertake.

While there are many books on this subject these are the ones I have personally found to be the most helpful.

John Ruskin- Emotional Clearing: An East/West Guide to Releasing Negative Feelings and Awakening Unconditional Happiness

Dina Glouberman- Life Choices, Life Changes and The Joy of Burnout

Thich Nhat Hanh- Being Peace

Louise L. Hay- You Can Heal Your Life